To everyone who posted here and marmaduke, thank you for sharing.

There were so many good post and to the question.....
and the answers were very revealing.

Do you feel your parents attitudes caused your low self esteem/self hatred.
Do you hate them for it?

To the first, yes and self destruction, not physically like some but silently. I have a brain that clearly sees/feels differently.
It has taken me most of my years, still today I struggle with this thing called happieness.
Like maramaduke, dont dare smile... until tears fell and she was satisfied.
Teacup, all because of what the child did, at age 4. that child has that burden to bear when it was the mother's responsibility to protect him. The silent father ect...
This is the outcome of how my adopted parents behaved / then I have to deal with my dysfunctional bio parents who had psych issues and a father who literally tried to take my life.
Do I hate them? NO, not today.
I would have to walk through cemetery gates to negate resolution as my bio parents died when I was 16.
Do I hate them (adopted p ) no not hate because hating another just harms me, even though it was malicious. If it weren't because of my bio parents the latter would never had happened. So there was a lot of misplaced anger/blame which does not excuse them.
It just how things were and my adopted parents latter have apologized, (fool me once, shame on them fool me twice shame on me.) The truth shows itself. Today I know who and what they are. I give it to karma. I will not be baited to anger.

My daughter, who was a product of sa. I never told her until she was able to understand.
I took all the negativity I experienced as a child and turned it around and made sure she was self confident, secure/safe, and loved. Boundaries, discipline, and responsibility.

The best gift/blessing in the world I experienced the other day, she turned and looked at me with a huge smile. That moment of happiness will be my go to moment
We have had problems and a journey of healing the past 5 years.
She is a happy married woman and she will make a wonderful mother.
SO YOU CAN BREAK CYCLES of HATE and ABUSE.
Its not a perfect, mistakes, misunderstandings, and learning new ways to live life.

For me, I know my healing of the past I will have to revisit it again.
I truly thought I had forgiven everything
But if I can't feel true appropriate happiness for myself in good times, I know there is more work to be done. But do I have to feel hate for every evil deed? I hope not.
Thanks for listening,
Happiedasiy