I am bulimic and I abuse laxatives. I don't really understand it all but I hate myself for it. I feel in control of something in my life, I guess that's part of it. I feel that I should be punished for all the wrong doings in my life, so when I hurt physically, I feel better emotionally. I just think that I am so stupid, why would I do such a thing. I abuse myself. But I need to, I can't stop. Am I totally crazy? Will my body finally shut down, I need peace in my life. If I die, will I finally have this peace? I am really sad and lonely. I wish someone would just say, "okay, you can go now". I hate myself and I want to break every mirror in my house!
Elizabeth.