I should be dead, but they saved me, I was in ICUS twice and CiCU the last time. I really hate it when people say I was saved for a reason, what reason? That was years ago so now I feel that I'm not allowed to die and that my fate in life is to suffer. That and I can not deal will the consequences of not succeeding. I've gotten much better at isolating myself from pain.

I know I should say my family and such but like a few others here I believe they would be better off without me.