I fear going to sleep a lot, because those are the times when my urges to SI are worst and I don't make the best judgement calls when sleep deprived. I just too an ambien so I don't know how much I will get written here right now since my visions starting to jumble. I feel so much of what you are saying it's kind of crazy. I just don't put it out there much. I'm having a lot of trouble isolating and feel on the edge of agoraphobia. It takes a lot of willpower to force yourself past the anxiety that going anywhere causes. I have OCD too, and I do think that heavily contributes to the struggle with change and fighting through the anxiety. I've been really torn up tonight with anxiety about past decisions. Things are getting too jumbled for me now. I will go sleep and check back in in the next few days.