Hello,

I just joined today hoping to get some help/advice with a few things happening in my life.

I have suffered from depression for many years now, and for the last 8-9 months I have been doing very well (no suicidal thoughts and was feeling okay). I was on medication but it wasn't helping anything, so I slowly took myself off it (have been off it for about 8 months). It's only now that I have started feeling down again.

I just feel worthless. I'm not motivated to do anything and feel like I cannot contribute to society. There is a void or lack of fulfillment that I cannot shake, and it has caused me some distress for many years.

I recently moved out of home, and I am living with my boyfriend (which was exciting to begin with), but I just feel unhappy. My boyfriend borrowed all of my savings to pay for his honors. I care about my partner a lot (which is why I gave him permission to borrow the money), but I feel that because I gave my money to him, I cannot help myself advance further into a career or study (not until I save up enough again). Since we have moved in together I have had to take responsibility for a lot of the house duties too which also makes me feel like it is all I'm good for. I have no purpose other than cleaning the house.

I would consider studying again, but I would like to study Korean translation which isn't offered in my state and moving isn't really an option. There are no online courses from what I can find either. The same applies for embalming courses and glass blowing, both of which I'm curious about. I have inquired about some of these, but to no avail.

I constantly question whether I would like to do these things too, because I rarely put in the effort, and have no feelings towards doing these things. I have lost all passion that I used to have and don't feel any excitement about anything. I just feel like I am trying to make myself passionate which isn't working. People tell me that I'm young and that something will come to me - but it has been three years, and I'm still faced with the same problems and uncertainties. Its frustrating.

I have a job and I enjoy working with my colleagues, but I feel like my position is the cause of some of my depression. I don't feel as if I am doing anything meaningful, and have been very irritable and restless (which is difficult when working with the public). I have been incredibly unhappy there for the last few months, but do not have many other options at the moment.

I want to be doing something to better myself, but just can't find the motivation or energy. I need some sort of change, I want to go away. I'm stuck in a rut, and this empty feeling that I have is taking me away from being present for others in my life.

I feel like I've already wasted 3 years of my life and have just been watching others get on with theirs. I don't know what to do. Sorry for the long post. Any guidance and support would be appreciated.

Regards,
bluegoat