(((Rainyo))),

I am so sorry your parents fight a lot and take their anger and frustrations out on you. It sounds like they are unhappy in their relationship, are stressed out and insecure. If a mother cares too much about her house that is a sign that she is very unhappy and is trying to make up for it by continuously fixing or trying to control her environment. Some women do not even realize these behavior patterns come into play when they feel threatened, unsafe, stressed and insecure. It sounds to me like your parents also have low self esteem too.

I am so sorry because when parents get caught up in this kind of dysfunction and confusion, they don't really realize how damaging that is for their children to live with.

Are you seeing a therapist? If not, you should spend time with your school counselor who may have some tips for you on helping yourself feel safer and also be able to realize this is not your fault. You do need to reach out for some support, it's time for you to learn how to do that for yourself. You need to learn how not to self punish, but instead develop strong self soothing and healthier self caring techniques that are better for your mind and body and will get stronger as you practice these techniques.

You need to learn that when someone has parents that are dysfunctional like this, it is never your fault or anything you did wrong, it is all about their inadequacy and lack of good parental skills. You are not alone with this challenge, it happens a lot unfortunately.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE