I went through the same thing with T except I chose to show her one part (something new I had never done before). She did look, understood what it was/made sense, and then asked why I chose to show her (which I knew she would ask). She said that she thought that I was testing her; to see if she would be repulsed or 'run away', etc. and asked if she had passed the test.

She didn't react (or not in the way I tended) and I got that same feeling as you - that I had to cut "better". And then I did kind of start exploring other things (but I don't know if I just used her as an an excuse to do it or if I really felt like I was doing it to prove that it "is" bad).

I realized quickly that the motive behind my cutting had then turned superficial (simply to impress) and agreed to myself not to show her anymore scars - that way there would be "no one to impress" (no one else knows). And it worked, for me at least.

The idea that Miguel's Mom suggested of T's being trained not to react never crossed my mind either! Not until I just read it and this was months ago! So no - you're not a loser at all! *hugs*