Depression has lifted just slightly today, its not mindnumbing lowness, just lowness. Still very suicidal. No glass or plastic bags in my room, they tried to take the laptop off me but I said no, plus the cords are too short to do anything with.

Saw pdoc today, says theres not much more this hospital can offer me in terms of treatment that I havent already tried. Its just a "safe" place at the moment. Going to see T/Pdoc tomorrow. I hope I actually get something out of this session and not have another whole session I walk out of thinking it is a complete and utter waste of time, money and energy. I think I will write her a letter telling her that in the morning. Im not going to bother with group since I will have to leave half and hour in anyway. Apparently Im on the urgent list for one on one therapy with one of the therapists in the hospital but they are so slow i dont know when that will happen.

Just wish they'd let me go. It be best for everyone. I dont know how they cant see that!