When I read posts like yours I want to console you, but also in heart, I feel like a hypocrite because I don't want to be here anymore either. I want so tell you that you are a special, unique human being, unlike anyone else on earth. My grandmother use to say " God didn't create duplicates of anything or anyone." But again, I feel like a hypocrite. I get up every morning wondering how I should make my exit, then lie awake most of the night feeling like a disgusting coward. I lost another job due to my inability to sell products I care nothing about. I just jumped in my car and started driving, don't know where I'll spend the night, don't really care. I'm glad you have siblings you care about, you can draw strength from them, and I have a feeling they get strength from you as well. Your love for your brother sounds awesome, let that love guide you where you need to go. Yes, I'm a hypocrite, but I envy you for the sweet, unselfish connection you have with family.