Confusion, fear, inability to work for years on end, hope that begins to repair and then shatters in an instant. Poor cognitive functioning, inability to explain much of it to anyone... "Is it bipolar, and does that even exist?" My T and Pdoc are certain I need to continue treatment. Denial. Fighting defeat through exhaustion. Afraid that over the hill I am fighting lies chaos and a runaway train, with shredded relationships in its wake.

In short, it shakes my very existence.