sigh... I have shared with my T about harming the body. WEll briefly like 1-2 sentences... and she gave me some ideas for trying to stay safe.. .she was so gentle and kind. Than we did not tlak about it. I'm sure because I was going through such a major trigger... so last week, she sorta blindsided me asking me about how the self-harm was going and i just sorta.. like OMG>... she jus asked me about it.. of course she did.... i knew it WAS coming eventualy...

I did start to dissociate quite a lot.. i had a very very hard time staying present nad worked hard to stay present but it was a real major fight.

Anyways, she asked me questions.. not completely open ended... she helped me a longand i felt safe to answer but great waves of shame, embarrassement and I just couldnt look at her... could hardly manage the senations inside. I got through it and than she said "So, I would like to talk more about this NExt time".... WHAT? You mean opening my soul this time WASNT enough... aurghhhhhhhh. She said that she has wroked with others before that do this and that im not weird, etc. She was very very kind, understanding but I have NO idea WHAT to expect. I don't know her treatment ideas.. I dont know how this will go. Ive been doing this soo long.. I ewant to quit but at the same time, it helps so much and I just dont know..... really.... what toexpect... I have been worrying over thismost of the week and I see her tomorrow.... sigh..... I just wish more people understood and i wish I knew what to expect from ehr. Sher is a wonderful therapist... she is a clinical psychology intern.... she is an awesome intern.... she always impresses me and we are very close. We have a lot of things in common yet im freaking out anyways.... sigh...