Good for you for deciding to tell all. I think it is really important we have someone safe we can tell everything to.
In my drinking days I usually never drank when I was depressed for some reason I didn't want to, I just wanted to sleep. But the times that I did it was ugly. It just made me twice as depressed and suicidal. One time I grabbed a twelve pack and drove my truck up to the foot hills and just started driving around corners as fast as I could. I finally went over a big steep embankment and landed on all four tires between two trees. That sobered me up and I was ok driving home. Did I do it intentionally? Yes and No. I didn't think conscientiously at the time that i want to kill myself, but today I look at it as a definite attempt.