I read someone's post with difficulties on eating disorders. They said that you have to want to stop to be able to stop..I dont want to stop. I want my body to shut off. If I were to stop then I would be left with nothing. Its not that easy to just turn this off. I wish others well...I love people, but for me this is my way of dealing with things. I want to feel the pain. It takes so much away from thinking about other bad things. If I focus on this, I feel a little more power in my uncertain life. May sound strange but its real for me. My bulimia is not a binge type. I dont eat alot. Its not junk that I eat; when I eat. It could be fruit or salads, I still need to get rid of it. If I dont eat, I still take laxatives. I try to starve myself but to make others around me think that I am eating something, I will eat a little. When nobody is paying attention, I sneak off, to get rid of it. I like to feel hungry, I want to feel punishment. Yes, I am scared, but this is my way of being me.
Elizabeth.