Quite a provocative question. My reason for *being* alive is a failed attempt to kill myself. My reason for *staying* alive is the goal of living my life on my own with no one in it except me. I don't want my family in my life. I may, at some point, want a friend but it will be on my terms or not at all.

For many years, my spouse has made the inside joke between us that I would prefer to live my life in a cave in Wyoming..... meaning that I want to be a hermit. That's not quite true, but it sure is close. I don't mind living among people; I just don't want them in my life. Not at all.

Many years ago, I pushed away the family I grew up in. A couple of years ago, I pushed away the last real friend I had. Now, I want to push away my marriage family.

The only person I want in my life is Me. And, yes, this is a topic in therapy.