quit for good, huh? You sound like me a long time ago, when I was first aware that I was an alcoholic. But I was only in my thirties, for heavens sake, was I going to never have another beer the rest of my life?

I wasn't ready, and I guess you aren't ready--you don't sound ready--to quit forever. Why not just buy more the next time you want to celebrate or relax?

I had to deal with it and accept my addiction before I got serious about quiting. Give it some serious thought. As long as you're torn you're not committed to anything. If you quit, make sure you're committed to personally valuable reasons for not using.

Building a history of failed attempts to quit makes it harder each time (IMO).

Take care of yourself.
Roads