I remember becoming more interested in bipolar, and then watching Stephen Fry's documentary, and then suddenly I was hypomanic for a night and then crashed really quickly into depression. I wasn't thinking about depression at all, I was thinking about mania. So I couldn't have thought myself into depression. Maybe I missed some signs. I don't know. It's really easy for me to blame myself right now. I'm pretty frustrated of this merry go round. How do you deal with the thought that the rest of your life is going to be this?