I like your name,does it have a meaning behind it? Gosh that's a good question should you go to Texas? IMO thats a big risk for you to go. I know what is it like to have someone who is suppose to be dear to you but in reality could very well be your enemy.I lived with someone who did this to me and I lived with that person for over a year later. I had to guard my cup and always make my own food to insure my safety. It is a terrible existence. And I had a friend that had her husband do the same thing to her and she had permanent internal damage and psychological trauma to boot.I think the birthday card in the mail is a great idea.
I hated doing the pretend thing too just to survive.Maybe you can write letters to the ones that have hurt you. But never send them.And write the visit you wish you could have in Texas.. Change the ending so to speak this wish letter will be able to identify with your inner child and the adult you.But be for warned this could bring up a lot of pain anxiety, fears, anger, rage, helplessness, and intense sorrow(write about those emotions too.) It's like vomiting out all the emotions and learning to identify those emotions and learning how to filter through those emotions. Which is not an easy thing to do.So you may have to write it in increments as much as your emotional state can take. Just remember this is not a marathon and you have no time limit and you are doing this to take care of you. So don't cram through it like a x am. Be gentle and patient with yourself. And if you have a T then this could be good material to cover with your T at your own pace.
Good luck my friend and hugs and blessings.
Smilie