right now im feeling so many feelings that I just need to get off my chest and tell someone about.
my separation is only new and it is such a rollercoaster of emotions.
the timeline of the relationship goes something like this.
We started dating when I was 17, although he had chased me constantly for a year prior to me actually agreeing to a date. so we started dating. I don't think that I was ever physically attracted to him but he was a nice enough guy. over the next year or two things weren't always great and I remember trying to end the relationship a couple of times but it never happened because he would cry and say that he would kill himself and I would feel sorry for him or just be scared he would. then after about 18months he had some sort of affair with another girl, just at the same time I found out I was pregnant.
it was so messy but I still tried to stick by him and do the 'right' thing. he made up every excuse about this girl and it went on a while despite me asking for it to end and eventually leaving when I was 6months pregnant. I don't think it ever truly ended though, as in my relationship with him, as I wanted him to be involved with the baby and pregnancy and I guess I still 'loved' him. we never got help with a T for this affair that he had and it has always stuck on my mind.
eventually this other girl disappeared once he realised I was serious about leaving and when the baby was 4months old I moved back in with him and things seemed ok. we brought a house and fell pregnant again. life just kind of went along. I don't think I was ever super happy but I don't think I was unhappy either.
so I was unmarried at this point and that's what I wanted more than anything at the time. but instead of proposing to me as one would think a man would do, he asked me one night while in bed if I would sign some papers if I didn't know what they were. my obvious answer was 'no' and he pushed on for a bit but once he realised that I wouldn't sign he then said that he had organised a surprise wedding, for me, and that it was all organised. at the time it was weird but I was like ok, but now I look back on it and hate it. his plannd wedding never went ahead cause when his mum found out she wanted to be there. anyway we got married at the local church, it was really rushed, not really what I wanted, he chose the bridesmaids and my mum had more input than I should have let her. because he never chose my best friend as a bridesmaid, she stopped talking with me.
anyway slowly things over the years have deteriorated, partly because of his manipulating and controlling ways, but also because I just feel I cant speak up against him.
the end of everything started 18months ago when I started a university course. my mind set started changing I guess and started feeling more confident about myself and outside of the house found that I was a strong confident woman, on the other hand, when at home I was the complete opposite.
then in about april of last year he became more distant and was on his phone all the time and was being secretive. he had started snapchatting with other women and texting etc, so that's when I thought if its good enough for you, its good enough for me. I started snap chatting with guys and had a lot of fun with it. once he realised what was going on he became very clingy and suffocating. in October he had asked me to stop, but by then I was hooked and enjoyed talking with people. then just after new year it all came to a head. I realised wanted out and that I had just been covering it up by doing these different things. im not sure if subconsciously I wanted him to make the decision to leave but I just hid my feelings.
that's really when everything then just got crazy. the first thing he did was went to my parents house and told them that I was having an affair and that I was on snap chat. my mums instant reaction was that there was something wrong with me and dragged me down to the doctors.
I started counselling at that point. my counsellor I feel has been fantastic and really opened my eyes to everything that has been going onshe labelled his as an emotional abuser, but also my mum as one too.

so now its all come to a head and I really have decided its all over. my family aren't talking to me and he is fighting it really hard. I feel like he is being manipulative and he keeps running to my family despite me asking him not to. he keeps posting about everything on facebook for everyone to see and everyone is being all 'poor david' too him. im so frustrated and fed up because I feel no one is listening to me. I know I don't love him at all and I do want to split. up until last weekend I had been in the same bed with him, but I just couldn't do it anymore and did a shuffle around at home so I could have my own room. I found that to be great. I at least could get some sleep. last night though he packed his bags and left. im not sure where he slept last night, but my mum posted on facebook that he is welcome to stay with them anytime he likes and the kids too. my aunt posted that she knows he hasn't done anything wrong and its not his fault. where is my support. the only support is from a few friends, one my best friend, who sees right through his manipulation.im feeling a bit down today as I just feel like im on my own, no family support at all. I feel that ending the marriage is the right thing for me to do, but I just keep getting told I am being selfish and hat I should do the "right thing", which I am guessing is sacrificing my happiness for the kids.
I have met a guy in the last few weeks who I have a feeling with that I have never had with anyone ever before. we are just friends though, but im sure if or when things are different it will change. both David and my family now are sure im leaving to be with this new guy, yet im sure all my issues started well before this guy and that I had even said it was over before even meeting this new guy. have I done something wrong?

im so sorry this is long and not that great to read. im not sure what I am hoping people will say, I guess I just want to know if people have been in a similar situation and if it gets easier.