Hi Castles,

Another possibility may be that you have BP and BPD. There are quite a few people with both. I think it is significant that when you stop taking your meds you cycle through mania and depression again. Do you think that you do that because you feel like it is what is supposed to happen when you are off meds? Or is it not something that you can control? (I'm not suggesting answers, just questions - nobody knows the answers but you.) A lot of people with bipolar disorder stop taking meds because they like being manic. They might not recognize the reason, and might find all kinds of other reasons, such as lot liking the doctor, or not believing that anyone really cares anyway. And maybe you are looking for proof that someone cares, too.

But let's try reversing this, ok? If it doesn't matter to you, then why should it matter to others? We're talking about your life, and you have the right to choose what you do with it. How does it effect you and others in your life when you don't take your meds? Is that how you want your life to be?

It really is not possible for anyone to help you if you don't accept help. I'm still struggling with that concept too. One thing I have learned in therapy is that there are some things I do for myself and some things I am willing to learn, but whenever anything falls into the category of thing that I think my parents should have taught me, and they didn't, I act helpless and refuse to learn and reject anyone's efforts to help me. I guess that is supposed to punish my parents somehow, but it really punishes me and people who try to help me, who probably wouldn't be trying if they didn't care. Rejecting help is never going to force my parents to care.

I hope this helps you.

TC,
Rap