I have had thoughts of suicide since I was 15 I am now 55, i tried committing suicide when I was 15 and failed, I tried a couple of other times, and I almost died from my medical disease that runs in my family in 2009 and when I was in the hospital dying I saw my deceased father reaching out his hand to me and I asked him if he was there to take me home and I made my peace with God but he was not there to take me home he was sent by God to see me through my suffering. After my surgeries and getting well my son went through the same thing so I know why I am here now it does not always make sense to us but we all have a purpose even if we do not understand what that purpose is. Hope this helps, just pray about it and read a verse in the bible every day and God will lead you out of it or lead you to someone else that you need to help and take your mind off of it for awhile at least.