Thank you all for the wonderful advice and support. I want to bring this up with my husband and talk about it I just don't want to make this depression any worse. I went through two years of depression with my husband and he stood by me, I know its my time to stand by him. I just really need him to stick it out until I can go back to work at least. But when I mention a place hiring or ask if he is going to fill out applications his attitude changes and he gets down on himself, really down. When I bring up the guitar effecting our marriage he gets down as well. Says he is a bad husband and we deserve better, says he is worthless etc. I can't break his spirit like that. I tried using the suggested "I feel like" instead of being accusatory but no matter how I try to word it he always gets really down on himself and I can't bear to see him feeling so low. Any advice on how to broach this topic carefully and avoid hurting his feelings?
The other forum I am a part of would all tel me to leave him, to them money is a deal breaker. To me its not and I won't let our marriage fall into that statistic. I know part of this getting to me so much is the hormones but I can't deny the fact that I feel less confident in our marriage. Not in him but in his desire to put our family first and do whatever needs to be done to make it through. I don't feel security. If he can watch our family take another financial pitfall without trying to help, if he can leave his pregnant wife to play guitar after she just had a seizure, how can I trust that he will be there for us when we need him in the future? I have never felt this uncertainty in our marriage or relationship and I must admit its hard.
When I told him I felt like the guitar took priority over me and my child he got so upset with himself he cried, he apologized and said he would quit playing all together. An hour later he was out playing with his friends (I did encourage him to do go that night because a friend from out of town had come back).but three days later he was back playing and another three days later he was back again. He is playig house parties and thinks because he invites me it means he is vonsidering us and putting us first but what mom would take her six year old to a drunken house party on. A school night?
I do think he is escaping the stresd through his music and we all need an escape but it feels like he is tryig to escape us ad well and there has to be a time where you stop running and take charge of rhe stress right?