Hi there, that seems really tough...

Please don’t beat yourself up thinking you ruined the relationship or weren’t supportive enough. As they say, it takes two to tango. You can’t be the only one to bear the weight and sole responsibility of the relationship. And as you describe, he seems to be grappling with some unresolved issues and with talk of commitment and perhaps added pressure of being at school and/or issues with his friends, his fears or insecurities came to the fore and the only way he thought he could deal with this is by running away?

It sounds very painful when he tells you that you are the love of his life but that he sees no future for you two. He also seems to respect you but maybe thinks he is not good enough and/or is pulling you down? However, he doesn’t seem (emotionally) ready to commit.

In terms of the future of your relationship, it is difficult to speculate. As you suggest, you could be there for him as a friend. However, i would let him make the first move. I appreciate you have strong feelings for him, but another worry is that getting together with him in the near future, seeing his precarious emotional state, might jeopardise *your* emotional well-being... as seems to be the case already.

At any rate, it seems he could benefit from more ‘specialised’ help i.e. seeing a therapist or counsellor. Would that be an option? A therapist would have the tools to help him further. And unless he works on whatever issues are gnawing at him, i am sorry to say that this might be a pattern he turns to again and again... thus, there would be no guarantee that a similar situation wouldn’t arise in the future. I am saying this because he seem to be contradicting himself and using this push-pull technique with you... You might end up getting hurt further unless he sorts himself out, so to speak.

I hope you two can work this out.