Tellybox, I remember when my boyfriend dumped me and the horrible horrible depression and how slow it was to go away but then I met my husband :-) If I had to do it all again I'd keep reminding myself how hard it is to look "forward" instead of sideways at the person I use to be with and all the energy used to wish I could change that situation. It's so hard when we have ourselves and our time invested in someone else; it's like a death almost.

Be patient and gentle with yourself; her leaving was not about "you" and your "faults" but about her own issues. You probably couldn't have done anything different that would have mattered. I had already begun to notice that things usually got better than they had been before (like when I applied to jobs and didn't get the first few I wanted but then the one I finally got was better than all the rest and I was glad I hadn't gotten them). Maybe look forward "expectantly" like there's something good waiting for you ahead and go toward finding out what it is?