Growli-my first time was much like yours is now. I thought it was a waste of time & money. I didn't feel like I was getting anything out of it. My first time was more learning what the skills were and this time around has been more about applying them and finding ways to make them useful/applicable in my life. It's not been easy and it takes a lot of work but it is possible. I really hope the suggested book helps you. I would like to help more but don't know how right now. It will get better/easier if you stick with it.