Recently, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the outcome for my life and what I've done in my life so far. I think I've sort of reached some kind of quarter midlife crisis or a little beyond a quarter life crisis, but not a midlife crisis.

What I did to evaluate what I've done in my life is identified a couple of patterns. The first pattern is I tend to allow others or things hold me back from taking good calculated risks in life that could open up a lot of good learning opportunities. The other pattern is I tend to bond with people who are going through a lot of struggles, but all it does is brings me down with them because I end up getting treated so poorly.

I consider myself a really understanding person, but often I don't see that reciprocated. What I encounter a lot is "listen I had to suffer a lot too, so what is the big deal? get over yourself." There is a LOT of "get over yourself" philosophy out there in a world where we could really give more compassion and empathy.

The best way for me to explain that piece is to give an example of the last friendship I had. It was very short-lived and what eventually lead to its end was a difference in needs. I thought I was a good friend to her and we really understood each other because of our life struggles. As time went on though, I started to see more of her bad side and she would obsess over certain people or things. It didn't matter how positive or encouraging I was to her, she'd always slide back into those behaviors. Eventually what happened is I made an attempt to reach out to her because I cared about how she was doing and what I received in return was very rude behavior-- behavior that was not warranted for a friend. Since then, I've slowly detached myself from the friendship but it still sucks.

Things like that happen to me all the time, and I have nearly given up on friendships. After that happened I did some honest reflection and then decided I can't allow myself to be part of relationships and behaviors that only bring me down and I need to set good boundaries. My husband and I recently had a breakthrough with our relationship, and I told him this. I am at the point in life where I don't want someone to bring me down with them and then leave me behind in the dust.

I told this to a close relative of mine and her criticism was that there are a lot of people out there who are in my shoes and could appreciate some kindness and understanding, but what I am doing is shutting them out. She said I'm also looking for kindness and understanding and it's not fair for me to desire that from others when I won't give it in the first place. My response to that was I am willing to give those things, BUT they have to be in healthy boundaries and mutual respect. I was then told that can't always happen because people are human and they make mistakes.

Am I being unreasonable to want to be in friendships with people who want to be healthy, respectful, and have good boundaries? It is unreasonable for me to avoid friendships with people who eventually are going to bring me down? It took me a long time to come to this realization about myself, and a lot of hard honesty, and at this point in my life I want to progress and move forward but I'm also human at the end of the day.