I am confused, maybe I don't really understand very much about this "illness".

Recently I stopped taking my meds, which according to the world pushed me into mania. My H found out about me not taking meds and is checking I take them. So.. yes things are different I am not seeing triangles and geometry everywhere. Everybody's happy that I am not being such a pain in the arse to live with.

Normally after this kind of thing I would get a huge crash but for some reason I feel really different. I have been thinking about Sui a lot, I am furious a lot (but try to keep it contained), I feel like I am constantly running in my head but I am quiet. I drive at silly speeds in my car with incredibly loud music and no seatbelt. and I will not deliberate on my thoughts here.

I have been quite tearful in my social anxiety and alch sessions which I would never usually show. My H thinks well now I am back on my meds it's all ok. I don't feel ok. I know I am sleeping and all that so I should be fine but if i could switch off the world like a light I would.

I guess I'm wondering if maybe this could be a mixed episode, i don't really know. If it is, what do I do to get out of it?