I am sorry to hear about all your struggles and for the loss of your husband. I can understand why life is so difficult for you right now. I would definitely talk to pdoc about changing meds. meds took me from where you are to a totally stable life. I cant believe the difference. it did take a while to find the right ones though. I had to be patient and try a lot of different meds. I refused to tolerate any side effects. you just have to advocate for yourself and really speak up to your doctor. take care...