Gloria,

What do you mean, you should feel different from how you feel? There are no rules for how you should feel. Whatever you feel is perfectly okay and reasonable, and it makes total sense to me that even if you recognize that this change is something you wanted, and it will give you opportunities to improve your life and your childrens' future, you still may feel a sense of loss, and even feel like you and/or others have failed at something. You didn't marry this man in the first place for no reason at all, and nobody is 100% bad. If everything were so clear cut, then decisions like this would be a cinch, and you never would have gotten into an abusive marriage in the first place. Yes, there is irony in the dates. Sometimes irony makes a big statement, and it can reflect a lot of feelings, especially mixed feelings.

Don't deny yourself permission to feel what you feel, and don't let somebody else or some preconceived notion tell you that your feelings are wrong. You are the only one who can determine how you feel.

I'm sorry that it is hard. I would be surprised if it weren't hard though.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>