Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
I think I know what you are saying. especially about the acceptance of what you are saying V believing being very different. like last week she said something like "it's amazing that I didn't go completely crazy" it left me wondering about how much of my past she believes or how much it is real. although I was committed to a hosp and residential treatment for most of my young adult life so not so sure I didn't go crazy. I wonder for me it it more me being willing to accept and believe my reality. and I might project that on to her quite a bit when she tries to talk to me about it
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I may be projecting....I know I am, in part, because I'm struggling to believe myself right now. I just think if I'm mentally ill, how do I know what little I do remember from my childhood is even true? And why can't I remember a lot? Why do I blank out during sessions? Am I just losing my mind? And my T is sitting there watching me lose it and breaking it down to medical jargon or "clinicalizing" it..... I don't know. And I find it difficult to be open to talking about the fuzzy memories I do hold or that come to mind during sessions because I DO NOT want to speculate. My mom went to therapy for years when I was a kid and the entire experience was scary. She had lots of horrific memories come back. I think I have a phobia about it happening to me and I also worry things like, "what if the stuff my mom thought wasn't true at all and they were false memories?" - all that needless suffering
I can't think like this though or it gets too bad. So I have to force myself to hang onto what I can and those around me. Hope they're safe people /: