I think that we, as survivors of abuse, have the wrong idea about forgiveness. In order to forgive someone, they have to have repented first. If that repentance isn't there, there's no point in forgiveness.

I also think that we shouldn't feel bad for not forgiving. We shouldn't live in the past, and dwell on our abuse, or hurt others because of it. But it's perfectly fine to feel anger, pain, hatred even, as long as it isn't all-consuming. Learn to let go. Forgiveness may come later, or not at all, but neither way is better than the other.

I may never forgive the abusers in my life, but I have accepted that I couldn't change what happened to me, or what I did because of it. I don't make choices without reason now, and I didn't then. I own my mistakes, but they were justifiable. They were part of the defense mechanism I had been developing from childhood. This is not an excuse, simply an explanation. I have accepted that I am human, and the mistakes I've made are an inevitable part of life.