Thank you all so much for your kind words. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Her cancer was ugly and I'm so glad she no longer suffers. The selfish part of me wants her here. I struggled with saying so many things to her before she died. IN the end, it didn't matter. She gave me life. She was my mama. I loved her. She had her own issues. Although she was never treated, as an adult, researching myself, it was very obvious. Even in the end, her wishes were changed. She knew I wouldn't like it, but knew I would follow thru because she is my mom. It was her way of getting the last word. She was such a character. I will continue to lean on my girls and my husband. He has been really great. It means so much to read your sweet thoughts. They mean more to me than you all know.