Not wanting to live... is not the same as... wanting to die.

The ONLY thing I got out of a traumatic Therapy session was a new term: passive suicide. I didn't know such a term existed, but it didn't make sense to me.

I'm so very, very tired, and it hurts to much just to be awake. I don't know how my body is still functioning.

I won't ...I would never... seek out more pain.. in any form. But I'm not positive that I would strive for life anymore. At least, I wouldn't fight to live today... I'm too tired to do anything.

If I found out I was dying from ... I don't know, an illness, a disease or something... would I try for the cure? I'm not sure that I would. The thought of the end of my pain... seems like a relief.

Is that what passive suicide means? That I'd be okay to let myself die? Some people would call that mercy... some people would call that cowardice.

Bottom line... I feel conflicted, because I know I should care... but I don't. Maybe I will feel differently when I'm in a more healthy frame of mind, but.. which side of myself has more validity (especially since I am more depressed than... content)?

I just don't know.. but does it really matter when I'm not about to do anything about anything?? Probably not.

Sorry for not making any sense and the venting.