Quote:
Originally Posted by paynful
Not wanting to live... is not the same as... wanting to die.
The ONLY thing I got out of a traumatic Therapy session was a new term: passive suicide. I didn't know such a term existed, but it didn't make sense to me.
I'm so very, very tired, and it hurts to much just to be awake. I don't know how my body is still functioning.
I won't ...I would never... seek out more pain.. in any form. But I'm not positive that I would strive for life anymore. At least, I wouldn't fight to live today... I'm too tired to do anything.
If I found out I was dying from ... I don't know, an illness, a disease or something... would I try for the cure? I'm not sure that I would. The thought of the end of my pain... seems like a relief.
Is that what passive suicide means?  That I'd be okay to let myself die? Some people would call that mercy... some people would call that cowardice.
Bottom line... I feel conflicted, because I know I should care... but I don't. Maybe I will feel differently when I'm in a more healthy frame of mind, but.. which side of myself has more validity (especially since I am more depressed than... content )?
I just don't know.. but does it really matter when I'm not about to do anything about anything?? Probably not.
Sorry for not making any sense and the venting.  |
Hello Paynful: Yes I would say you have a good understanding of the term: "passive suicide". Your post struck a chord with me because, from my reading of it, there is an underlying question as to how long a person can go on just not caring about anything. To some extent this could easily become a philosophical issue. But I don't want to go there. Still I think it is a very valid question (& perhaps one I will post on.) Is it possible for a person to go on living not caring about anything &, if so, for how long?
We sometimes hear the expression: "s/he died of a broken heart." I don't know if it is really possible to die of a broken heart, except in the mechanical sense of the term. I often wonder, in my own case, how long can I keep up this ruse I'm maintaining? I've been doing it now for probably 4 plus decades, throughout my adult life. Sometimes I just feel so tired I feel like I just can't stand it for another minute. Then time passes & I just keep plodding on. But can I keep doing that for another 10, 15 or 20 years? I don't know. It seems as though, at some point, it will have to affect my health. Maybe it has already. I certainly am worn out all of the time.
Anyway, please forgive my musings. This is a subject I have often thought about. I hope that you do begin to feel better & that you are able to find things to care about. Even if it's possible to go on living without caring about anything, that's certainly not a desirable way to go.
