I've often said over the last few weeks that I wish I could just curl up and make the world go away. This really does resonate with me. I don't want to commit suicide but I just want everything to go away. I can't even get that when I fall asleep as it's disturbed and full of all the nightmares I live through and worry about all day.

I've often thought about what would happen if I got actually sick. I've been in and out of doctors telling me that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me for my whole life, I've got more negative test results than you can shake a stick at, and yet..I dunno. I still think about it, dream about it.