The basics: I'm a 30-yr old female, married, in Southeastern US. No children (by choice), just dogs. I have a bachelor's degree and have always been employed full-time. Dx of bipolar 2 and anxiety.
The background: I was dx with depression at 13 or 14 but my mom didn't want me on meds so I took St. John's wort for most of high school. Depression came and went. Looking back, there were probably some hypomanic symptoms back then too, but it wasn't recognized.
I started taking Effexor about 7 years ago after my family doc found out how much xanax I was taking (prescribed in anticipation of flying, which scared me at the time--still not sure why he gave me 30 ct with refills). Tolerated Effexor well, but went off of it once I made some changes and removed the main cause of anxiety from my life.
Depression came back soon after, started taking Lexapro, then switched to Celexa about 5 yrs ago. Had no issues with it, seemed to work well, my life was great and everything was smooth. Then, 2 years ago, I had a hypomanic episode that lasted several weeks, followed by the worst depression I've ever experienced. I recognized something was wrong during the hypomanic episode and went to my doc, who referred me to a pdoc (first one ever). Got the dx of bipolar 2 (I was actually surprised). Started on Lamictal, the titration was brutal but worth it when I came out feeling ok--even good--again.

It was lovely. I didn't feel medicated, I felt happy and normal, like my best self. I started a new job that I really liked, bought a house, and was well without med changes for 2 years.

Last summer, my younger brother, who had recently been dx bipolar 1 and was in a very deep depression, committed suicide. There is so much to say about that but for purposes of this introduction, I'll just say that we were close and he was my only sibling and losing him has been the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Still, after his death, I was ok--I grieved the best I could, I thought--while continuing to work at a job that I still liked but was becoming very, very stressful. Fast forward to now--I've been having mixed episodes/rapid cycling for about 2 months. My therapist referred me to an outpatient program which I started this week. I'm on medical leave from work for now, and am hoping to get things straightened out and back on track soon.

I just started Cymbalta and am going off Celexa. My anxiety was better right away, but my mood is flat, sad, and the worst of it is, the weather is beautiful, I'm off work (the outpatient group is only 3 half-days a week) and I can't seem to enjoy it because I just feel... bad.

My husband and my mom are my main supports, and I have several good friends who are supportive and encouraging but no one really "gets it." My best friend since the age of 4 is an RN in a psych unit and it's been amazing to have her to call, but she's many states away and busy with her own life, so I try not to lean on her too much.

Looking forward to giving and getting support here and most of all, getting better again.

-minus.