I tried twice to end my life and failed. The only thing I regret is that failure took away the option of trying again, I saw the pain I caused to the people I love and know that I do not have the right to put them through that. So here I am, plodding on just like Skeezyks. 25 years ago, I feared that life would be just as bad for the next 50 years, now I'm at the half way stage (well the stage that it would be reasonable to assume is halfway) and the next 25 years only seems possible because I know that if I've done it once I can do it again.
Like Zinco
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinco14532323
I think of passive suicide as sub-consciously doing self destructive things. Like slowly killing yourself with drugs and alcohol or reckless driving.
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except for me it is through over-eating, one day diabetes or heart disease or cancer will catch up with me..........
When I had a MH assessment recently and was asked about suicidal ideation, intent and other self harming, they scored me as low risk, simply not recognising the passive suicide that I've endured for the last quarter of a century. They dismissed the intrusive and graphic suicidal ideation that plagues me daily as something that I can cope with because I don't turn the thoughts into direct actions, yet I am passively destroying myself through an unheathy lifesyle.
I never wish myself rid of depression, I don't believe that is possible, but I have a forlorn desire that in keeping my pain I can somehow "save" another person from this living hell.