Hey... thought I'd share some feelings I had the other day about the ex I've been divorced from for 30+ years. My hubby and I met at a group of divorced people that my ex used to run. At one time, these groups were all over the country. My ex oversaw three groups in three different cities. When my hubby started going to the one I attended, he told his ex about it so she started going to the one my ex attended. They met, they dated and just a couple of weeks ago, I found out that hubby's ex told him that she and MY ex had had sex. It didn't surprise me because my ex would "do it" to anything in skirts. In fact, he's got bastard kids in every town he's lived in so why should it upset me? It did! Thirty plus years later!

Being me, I can't leave things alone. I have to analyze them, especially if they're my feelings. I figured out that it didn't upset me so much that he had sex with someone else. It was that I had been so damned naive when I married him! Everyone had told me he was repulsive but he wasn't to me because he had managed to hook me with his self-pity. Long story... but when I got it straight in my head that indeed, he was repulsive and had been all along, it was easier for me to let it go. I blamed myself and my stupidity and desperation to get out of the house, but then I realized that I wouldn't have my first two kids. My oldest son is someone that I can be so sickingly proud of! He's got the best wife, the best kids and he's started two business one of which is making him rich right now. He's the one that has stepped forward and taken care of me when I've needed it. He's the one that under no circumstances will he use his kids as pawns in any power game with me. Yeah, he's got his faults, but what would I do without him?? So... I forgive myself for the stupid mistake I made of marrying his dad and move on.

I also had a daughter by this man: my firstborn. It's safe to say I don't have her anymore because she quit talking to me about 6/7 yrs ago... but it's due to the fact that she inherited her dad's paranoid schizophrenia... as yet undiagnosed as far as I know. Yeah, it's a heartache, but I can look back on her healthy years, her wonderful childhood and still have good memories of her. She was a beautiful child and she's a beautiful woman (looking, that is.) I still can't figure how she can look so much like me and I'm so ugly. LOL No comments, please!

So you see? We can get past these hard times. Look at your beautiful kids and be thankful of the good things that came out of your marriage. Know that this ending is for a good reason; to give your kids a better, happier more stable mother. It's for you as well as for them.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Gloria}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

PS When you use the word "should," you are being your own critical parent. Feelings are just that; feelings. Listen to Wendy!







<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>