well the paranoia is gone today. T was really worried during our meeting. i felt bad. i texted him and said im sorry. and that i will be safe. he is scared because that guy killed himself not too long ago. i dont want to hurt people. or scare him. he said thank you very much when i told him i promised to be safe. he wanted me to assure him that i was safe and look him in the eye and tell him that i am. so i did. but i was a little upset. because he said i was a risk to the community. i felt defensive. so i didnt say anything to him when i left. but we texted and its okay now. im glad the paranoia is gone. i feel back to normal. i hope it stays like this forever