My diagnosis keeps bouncing between Bipolar I with psychotic features, and Schizoaffective. Sometimes I will have mood episodes with no psychosis at all. Sometimes I will have mood episodes with psychosis. Sometimes I will have psychosis with no mood symptoms.

I have been experiencing depression for weeks, and it got bad enough and I was isolated enough (I think isolation is a big key) that I started hallucinating. First I heard a voice repeating "Be righteous before these idiots" and the next day, I saw a giant bird-thing. I don't think they were linked but who knows.

Randomly today, it felt like the depression started to give way. The suicidality is gone. I have energy again. I can think of my future without wanting to die. But the psychosis remains. I had to take a bus to and from the hospital (ironically) to get some medical supplies. I don't want to go into detail about what my thoughts are right now, but I am partially sure that I am the only person left alive in the world, everyone else is dead, or I am imagining them all. The bus ride was scary.

But I KNOW that the right thing to do is to tell my psychiatrist when I see her on Monday. I'm even still afraid she won't believe me.

So are delusions still delusions when you kind of know they're delusions?