Just wanted you to know that I listened. I wish I had a magic wand that I could use to make you feel better. Just remember that what you are feeling now is the disease talking. It is affecting every aspect of your life. My only advice is get treatment and find a good psychologist to help you make sense of what you are going through.
Just so you know I have had depression since my teens, it comes and goes in severity but I am now in my late 50's, been married to the same guy for 34 years and have kids and grand kids. Ask me today if life is worth living and the answer is yes, tomorrow it may be no. I have days when it's all
too hard and I retire to bed, days I struggle on and days when all is well with the world.
Depression to me is a disease just like diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis, I didn't ask to have it, I wasn't a bad person, but I have to live the best that I can.
I hope you can find your balance in managing you depression, you sound like you have a lot to offer the world.