i just texted T this:

im still a little hurt that you said you should refer me out. that huurts my feelings. i feel likewhen im suicidal is when i need you the most and it seems cold that you would drop me in that circumstance. that hurt. it made me feel like i shouldnt say if i feel suicidal because you wouldnt want me there anymore. but i honestly feel like i collaborate with you to be safe. i know i havent in the past when you committed me but i think things ar emuch different now.it just felt really cold like you dont care about me. when i say im suicidal its because i want help with the feelings and not that i want to send you into a panic.i thought thats why we do safety contracts,. it seemed more about yourself and less about me and my feelings. it really hurt my feelings.

i dont think he will respond. but we will talk about it on monday i assume