I feel bad...for the past year everY time I've had suicidal thoughts they get worse and last longer the next time.

Last time I was having those thoughts I did some real bad stuff...and i never wanted to tell anybody about it, not even my therapist. I was so embarrassed.

Now I'm having those thoughts again, a lot, and they are really really... tempting...for lack of a better word.

I just want it so much sometimes. And I feel somewhat compelled to do it now. Like I owe it to myself or something.

I want it but at the same time I'm scared that I'll do it.

I don't have any friends that really know about me and I don't have any that should know about me. They all just seem shallow. So I just can't ask them to watch out for me or they'll leave me. yeah, I know, bad friends.

I'm so afraid to even attempt going to get help because of the embarrassment it would cause me. I'm just lost.


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