I apologize that this is long.
I can relate to most of what everyone is saying here. I've been interested in death ever since I could remember. It's probably my nature since I was pronounced clinically dead after I was born but I somehow came back. I used to be so obsessed with death that it would tie into my depression and leave me unable to function. It's been almost a half a year since I've been down that black hole, so I do feel like I'm getting better enough to give advice.

I'm an eclectic pagan, but don't necessarily believe in gods, or the afterlife. I've had a few near death experiences as well, but they aren't suicide related. Part of me does think that it can be logical to have our consciousness live after our bodies die.
I still struggle with the question "does life matter" because I can always come up with different answers. One of the answers that I like the most is:

Taking in the fact that we truly have no evidence of reincarnation, heaven, etc. We only have a limited time here. We can make the best of it if we try. As I see it, time is what we perceive, so if we feel that the clock is running out for us, our time here will seem short. If it feels like every moment takes forever to pass, we can easily make the most of our present (or agonize over how slow life is passing us by).
Sometimes I think that life is meaningless, the universe/ deities don't care about life- it just creates it and destroys it. but I think that even in death, there is some form of life, because I think that all matter is a form of life. and I think we can create our own meaning, even if we believe the higher powers, or lack thereof, proves that there IS no meaning.
I think there's meaning in life, and there's meaning in death. You can see it in the animal kingdom when a scavenger eats the body of another animal. We all live off of someone's death- the plants and animals we may eat, the cells that live and die in our bodies to serve their purpose for us, the microbes in the dirt we use to grow food, etc.
Our bodies are still energy even after death. Death itself is an illusion, and if you look into quantum physics it can explain it a lot better.

I feel like I need a purpose to keep going, too, but I don't have one yet. So I keep living for the day when I find mine. Also, the presence of plants and animals, and random kind people who have a brilliant aura and smile at me keep me going, as weird as that may sound. Whenever I think negatively about death I try to turn it around into something positive, otherwise I'm going to obsess until it triggers my other mental illnesses.
If I get too deep into the hole and start fearing my death enough to mess with my functioning, sometimes just remembering this helps: I could go at any moment. I will have enough time to think about death when I'm dead, so why not go on living now?

Somewhere, I read a conversation between a child and a mother which the mother later used as an analogy for life and death, that went something like: "Child: I really want to eat all that cake, but I'm gonna be sad when it's gone because I can't eat it after that. Why should I even eat it if it's going to end up being gone? Mother: So you can enjoy it while it lasts".