Aw, sorry to hear that HazelGirl. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

I hear you on the pushing everyone off it is such a funny defense mechanism. Especially when the wounded little child in all of us just needs compassion, understanding, and love. But it's not like we can go around and ask people for this, like "hey I'm having a rough time and I know I'm treating you in a way that feels not nice, but could you please love me anyways?"

I went and sent off another email to my ex-T and I'm never going to hear from him and I keep making it impossible for him to ever even like me or want anything to do with me. I don't understand why. I feel horrible about it and today was just crap for me too.

I hope it gets brighter and less painful soon. hugs.