yeah, it sounds like you have internalised him. to a certain extent at least :-)

the notion is that when we are infants (going on about Schore now) we lack the ability to regulate our emotions. the (m)other acts as an external regulator of the infants emotions (when all goes well) and regulated the infant out of a negative state into a positive state or out of a very excited positive state into a calmer positive state. the infants neurology then develops (by proliferating neural connections and then pruning neural connections) to 'mirror' the (m)others regulatory function. the infant is then able to hold the (m)others image in mind and thereby self soothe (to a certain extent).

sometimes the (m)other isn't able to regulate as much as the infant needs (could be because of infants sickness / distress or because (m)other doesn't know how or whatever). thus the infant is unable to have this (m)other image in mind in order to regulate their emotions / self soothe. Schore says that therapy works (well some varieties do) by providing the experiences that were lacking so that the adult gets to internalise the positive image. but it takes time, yeah.

:-)