have you tried the phone calls? i ask because i'm not really one for looking at my t. i don't really look at him. hence, i guess it will take me a very long time before i can picture the way he looks when he isn't present. mostly it is his voice that is important to me. his (vague) physical presence, sure, but mostly his voice. the tone. and (admittedly to a lesser extent) the things he says.

i have trouble visualising his appearance the most. the things he would likely say next. i can visualise his tone of voice to a certain extent, however. and sometimes i can visualise his physical presence in such a way that i feel held even though he is across the room (or even city) from me. and... i don't desire that he be any closer.

sometimes...

partly it is about practice, i think. trying to conjure up the image and the feeling of being emotionally held. it is a way of self soothing. eventually... i think the idea is that you can get those experiences from a variety of people IRL and more in particular from emotionally significant others IRL. but i guess it starts with (m)other and then father to a certain extent (more or less depending on (m)other) and then friends and peers and then romantic attachments... but when parents were unable... therapist can help...

perhaps.

but if it is his tone of voice and / or the things he says that is most important then a phone call might be able to help. though... sometimes people can sound a little bit alien over the phone so it might take a little while to get used to it.