Hmmmm, I don't think I am quite there yet then with internalizing the T.

One thing I do have a bit of trouble accepting is that T and I have a "real" relationship. I don't feel we do. But he says that what we have is "real." It doesn't feel real to me because I pay him to have this relationship with me. He is doing it because he is paid and it is his job. It isn't truly authentic or real because of the payment/job aspect. It's like he isn't engaging with me because he wants to of his own free will, but because I am forking over the cash. But yet, I do feel warmth and affection and love toward him, and I feel the warmth and affection he projects to me. But yet it is not real. He is paid. I have bigtime problems with this paradox.