i think a lot of people have significant difficulty with that paradox.

i guess that t decided to be a t (hopefully) for benevolent reasons of wanting to help people. i figure he doesn't agree to work with just anybody who comes in to see about working with him, and hence he works with people who he feels he can help. i bet he gets something out of that. otherwise he wouldn't be doing it. it might make him feel more competent and effectual and feel good about himself that he can help you and it might give him a sense of mastery / control over forces that he struggled with as a kid (pain and the like). i'm saying all this by way of trying to convey that i'm sure he gets something from seeing you too - or he simply wouldn't see you. he would refer you on to someone else, or whatever.

i think the relationship is real, but it is certainly different from most IRL relationships. i guess it is most similar to the (m)other / infant relationship. (m)others do indeed decide that they want to have a kid (just like your therapist did indeed decide that he wanted to be a therapist) but (m)others typically don't have any say in what kid they get. they just have one. they might get to select half the genes, but they don't get to select that particular kid ;-) whereas... t got to pick YOU. i'm not sure if this bears on the reality of the relationship...

i guess that with respect to the job / payment aspect... one has gotta make a living. your t couldn't afford to spend time with you for free because he would need to have a job in order to survive and support his family or whatever.

but yeah, i do understand about the power differential in the relationship. while i imagine they probably DO think of us outside the session i'm pretty sure they don't think of us as much as we think of them. i'm also pretty sure that for us attached peoples... we need them one hell of a lot more than they need us.

sigh.

(((((sunrise)))))