I developed Anorexia 5 years ago, but it spiraled into Non-Purging Bulimia 3 years ago.

I was always told that my friends were so Perfect and that I should be more like them, and when they left me in middle School, this just increased. I looked up to them, because they had friends and good grades and lived Perfect lives, and when they started to talk about dieting, counting calories and exercising 3 hours a day, I started to adapt those behaviors. I never thought of it as an eating disorder until I had a presentation about it. The Pictures of the anorexics' skeletal bodies were seen as motivation for me, although I was perfectly aware of the harm of the eating disorder.

As the years went by, I found myself binging quite a lot, but not being able to purge, I started restrict and overexercise to compensate for the binges. Therefore my weight has fluctuated a lot, and I'm afraid People preceive me as a yoyo-dieter, when in real life I'm sick.

I've just attempted recovery, but no one knows about my eating disorder yet. I'm afraids I won't receive help, and Mum has threatened to kick me out of the house if she finds out I have one (I'm 17 years old). Therefore, I attempt on my own. Up until recently I've been doing great. The thing is that my hunger has increased, but I keep holding back as I know my metabolism is low. Additionally, I can eat little and exercise, and still gain weight. Holding back is bad, I know, and has just led to a relapse.

I hope to receive support, and help others, and therefore I registred. I hope to learn and let go, and right now, I'm desperate, so I'm willing to try everything, as long as it doesn't involve telling my friends or Family.