Quote:
Originally Posted by Mactastic
....and I don't know if I like it.
I email my T 2-3 times a week and he always responds. I love being able to unload what's in my heart and I especially love that he emails me back. It makes me feel more connected and safe.
But lately I worry I'm too attached. I count the days until sessions, I often re-read emails when I'm down, he's the most important man in my life, etc.
So I decided to try not to email at all between session this time, which is a painfully long 10 days. It's hard  but I want to prove to myself that I can do it. More than likely he's going to bring up the lack of emails (highly unusual for me) and I fear I won't have the courage to give him the real reason (I'm obsessed with you and I feel like that's a character flaw.) I also want to gear up for termination (which I sense is still a ways away) but I want to decrease my dependence on him somehow. |
Hi Mactastic - oh I love your screen name :-)
My response my differ a little from what the others have said - but know I am not invalidating their responses in any way!
But what I want to say is this:
GOOD FOR YOU!!
I think this is actually more of a positive post than many - or even you - may realize. I think your experiment is great. It shows strength, willpower, the desire to be independent, the desire to be free from the obsession you describe. I think you are brave and courageous and you should be proud.
BECAUSE:
It seems your ultimate goal is to lead an independent, self-sufficient, free and good life. And it also seems you have realized the ties that the emails, the dependence, have restraint you with. You already know you can live without this dependence you have done it for 10 days. And you are still here, you are still strong and even though it might be VERY difficult for you, the best way to try to look at this is to be proud and pleased with yourself - rather than submitting to the danger, that the lack of email will become a huge issue in therapy that then might push you back into the same patterns and you won't feel good about yourself again.
Yes, perhaps the reasons for not emailing so much are because you don't want your therapist to think you are obsessed with him - well, if that was the case he probably already knows? And as a good therapist, he will probably ask you for the reasons but at the same time I hope he commends you on the strength and independence you are trying to build for yourself. That's as I said the ultimate goal of therapy anyway. So you two seem to make excellent progress.
It's okay to feel anxious about this - but I also highly recommend you allow yourself to feel all the positive that comes with this!!
Amelia